Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
