Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
