you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
