literally had 100 drinks last night.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize