Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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