Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
