I'm really into asian looking animals
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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