at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
