I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
