I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
