don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
