Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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