dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
This house was built for laser tag.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
