that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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