even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
