when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
