I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
