i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
