Tell her she can't have a vagina
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
