Old men and throwing up are my life now.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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