this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
