NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
