I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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