dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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