and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
