ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
