Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
