I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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