She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I wish you could order shots online.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
