Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
