Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
