You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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