yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
We are all done wearing pants today
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
