She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
