The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
