After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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