I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
My dick has a subreddit
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
