porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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