Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
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