I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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