Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
