No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
