Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
