Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
