just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize