I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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