I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
