Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
