If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Randomize
