i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
