He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize