Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
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