ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
