So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
