never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
