We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
