I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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