why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
