Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
