you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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