You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
