i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
