I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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