Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The air was thick with penises
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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