Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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