I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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