so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize