what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
