i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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