hotel room ftw
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
