Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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