This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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