i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
