an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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