It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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