My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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